45+ Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh
Sometimes you just need a good laugh to turn your day around. Here are 45+ funny quotes and funny sayings.
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45+ Funny Quotes | Humorous Quotes for a Laugh
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” – Robert Fulghum
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.” – Bill Vaughan
“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” – Rita Mae Brown
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
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Short Funny Quotes | Funny Quotes About Life
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Norman Wisdom
“Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.” – Ozzy Osbourne
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” – Miles Kington
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
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More Quotes That are Funny | Funny Sayings
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” – Billy Connolly
“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain
More Funny Sayings and Jokes
“Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.”
“Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
“Why was the bicycle tired? Because it was two tired.”
“Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly.”
“Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.”
“Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.”
“Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.”
“Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.”
“Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”
“Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.”
“Why did the bee go to the seance? To speak with the honey.”
“Why did the squirrel cross the road? To get to the nut store.”
“Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.”
“Why did the elephant use a computer? To check his trunk space.”
“Why did the sandwich go to space? It wanted to be a NASA-wich.”
“Why did the clock go to the therapist? It was having a time crisis.”
“Why did the potato go to the doctor? Because it needed a peel.”
“Why did the cookie go to school? To learn some new dough.”
“Why did the man put his car in reverse? He wanted to go back in time.”
“Why did the chicken join a band? Because it wanted to drum up some business.”
“Why did the calendar go to the psychologist? It needed a date.”
“Why did the duck go to the doctor? Because it had a bill it couldn’t pay.”
“Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.”
“Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.”
“Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets.”
“Why did the cat put on a hat? Because it wanted to look fur-bulous.”
“Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel Prize? Because he was out-standing in his field.”
“Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken on the sidewalk.”
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