I used to hate on my body like it was a full-time job. I’d go on crazy fad diets for a week and then fall off the wagon, or sometimes I’d subsist on nothing but cookies and bags of M&Ms (I can easily eat an entire bag in two days). I once spent two weeks in college eating almost exclusively Ramen noodles because they were cheap (but they weren’t even vegetarian and I was vegetarian at the time… boo) and a very different week consuming only liquids and a very strange mixture of lemonade, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup.
Over the past few years, my weight has fluctuated up and down by about a margin of twenty or thirty pounds. Sometimes I’d binge eat, and other times I would try my very best to stay under eight hundred calories in a day (don’t do this!). I ate bags and bags of junk food. I thought that if I could just lose the last five pounds or tone up a little more or get rid of my belly, I’d finally be happy.
But that day never came.
The day never came that I was at a perfect weight because it’s not about the weight, it’s about having control over some part of your life. Or on the other end, it’s about trying to fill a hunger in your life that can’t be filled with food, or about stuffing down anxiety.
But you will never reach a perfect weight if you put all your happiness in a number on the scale, because you’re always going to want more and more and you’ll always want to weigh less and less.
Now I can see how destructive some of these habits were, and how much I hated myself and my body. These days, I treat my body like a friend. I try to nourish it with real food, eat vegetables when I can, and save candy for treats instead of eating an entire bag of M&M’s at once. I’m not perfect, but I know that I’m stuck with this body for the rest of my life, so I might as well be nice to it.
If you struggle with your self-worth and always worrying about your appearance, try to be gentle with yourself. When you start going into the pattern of negative self-talk, stop yourself, forgive yourself for those thoughts, and think of something positive to say about yourself. It might be difficult at first, but there are so many things to be happy for about yourself. You might have beautiful eyes or a warm heart or compassion for others or any number of things. So step off the scale and start being gentler with the way you talk to yourself – because let’s be honest, you would never talk to a friend the way that vicious little voice in your head talks to you.
You are so worth your kindness.
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